Friday, June 20, 2008
I never wanted to hurt anyone with my words. It was just a blog about my feelings. It was a place to pour out my heart and get some relief. I couldn't talk about what was going on to anyone in RL because I didn't feel they would understand at all. It was my words and my feelings. I didn't name any names. But my blog was out there in cyberspace for anyone to see. And what I didn't understand is that other people who knew me in SL and knew my blog could take my words and write about them. (Kind of like what I'm doing now because I was inspired by Cen's post!) And this person wasn't as careful as I was not to name names. Out of a misguided sense of loyalty to me they wrote their own viewpoint on things and it was hurtful to others and an invasion of their privacy. I didn't want any part of that and I was so upset that I'd indirectly caused that. I deleted all the posts on my blog because I felt so bad. I didn't know how to delete my whole blog so I just wrote a post saying that I was taking a break from blogging for awhile and left it at that.
I'm blogging again because I love having a place to write and I like the sense of community bloggers have. But I'm also more aware now that I only have control over what I put out there. And I can't necessarily control what happens to my blog after I've posted something. So I'll be careful that it's not something that will cause pain or hard feelings for anyone else. I've learned now that I can always write a post and save it as a draft. That way I can read it again when I'm feeling more objective and decide if it's worth posting. Or I can use the privacy controls. I didn't know any of this when I deleted my blog. I was such a newbie! So I guess my guidelines for blogging involve making sure I don't post anything when I'm overly emotional and making sure I know how to use the blogging controls! I just learned how to insert links into my text so I'm doing a bit better! :)
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
My mother had a hysterectomy today. I was so worried about her. Her surgery started at 9AM EST and so at 6 am PST I was up and praying hard for her. I spoke with her tonight and she was so high on morphine that she was slurring her words and sometimes she would just stop talking mid-sentence for about a minute and then wake up again. She seemed very happy though. She raved about the turkey dinner she ate that night and how she was lucky enough to have a private room. Apparently her roommate got really annoyed with her drugged up rambling and asked to be moved! She got a bit weepy at the end of the conversation. She said she was sad to see her uterus go. I told her she should be proud and it served her well. Now she will be free of it and won't have to put up with all the troublesome things it does. That cheered her up some. She even suggested she get it bronzed. Then she started giggling again. I'm sure she won't remember the conversation tomorrow.
Do any of you have guilty pleasures? I've gotten hooked on this show called "The girls next door." It's about Hugh Hefner and his three girlfriends, Holly, Bridget and Kendra. It's been on for awhile but I've never seen it before last week. The three girls are really bubbly and funny and have their own individual personalities. And their lifestyle is so ridiculously over the top it's fun to be a voyeur on that kind of lavish living. And they are all so young! And Hef is in his eighties now! I used to think there was a big age difference between Rick and I but we've got nothing on Hugh and his girlfriends! I asked Rick if he would like three girlfriends and he said that he's more than happy with me. And I have three personalities; Astrid, Sorcha and Aimee. He says that's quite enough for him! hahaha Good answer baby!
And finally, both my little sisters are getting married! My youngest sister just got engaged and they are getting married next year. And my middle sister has been engaged for about five years and finally set a date for September of this year! Which only gives her three months to plan it. I'm a bridesmaid at both so all they talk about when I call them is weddings weddings weddings. It's exhausting. I've never been much of a girl for fantasizing about big weddings. My wedding to Rick in SL was a fantasy and all I had to do was point and click to get a dress and flowers etc. And I didn't have to deal with all the family politics that my sisters are dealing with now. Ex-spouses and estranged relatives and all that stuff. When Rick and I get married, I want it to be small and quiet and we'll say our vows from SL to each other. But I'll try and be a good bridesmaid to my sisters. I've always wanted to be a bridesmaid so it's kind of exciting :)
Sorry about this rambling post!! I've just been writing about what's been on my mind lately. I miss the BBB challenge. Maybe I'll do one for myself and set topics for myself everyday!
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
Thursday, June 12, 2008
"Sail on silvergirl, sail on by
Your time has come to shine
All your dreams are on their way
See how they shine?
If you need a friend, I'm sailing right behind
Like a bridge over troubled water, I will ease your mind..."
-"Bridge over troubled water" Simon and Garfunkel
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Well the Big Bad Blogger challenge topic today is "What would you get rid of in your RL or SL?" I love SL and there is nothing I would get rid of. I understand that SL's medium is the computer and there are always bound to be problems on a computer. That's just the way things are! It does frustrate me when I can't log on when I really want to. But it eventually gets fixed. There are some things in SL that annoy me. I didn't like all the casinos but I never went to them either so they didn't really bother me. And now they are gone anyway! The sex clubs aren't really my thing either although I recognize that it's different strokes for different folks. (Eww....no pun intended) The wonderful thing about SL is that you can make it what you want.
There are some things in my RL that I would like to get rid of. Last year I got out of a very bad, poisonous and dangerous relationship. The major reason I got out of it was because I learned what real love is from my relationship with Rick. But I'd stayed with my ex-boyfriend for years and years and I always knew it was a bad relationship but I lied to myself and ignored it until SL finally helped to WAKE ME UP.
Things are so different for me now. For the first time in my life I'm with someone that I know loves me for who I am. I don't have to pretend or think before I say things. He knows me and loves me just the way I am. I still feel stupid sometimes for lying to myself for so long. I know everyone makes mistakes. But I still experience some of those bad feelings sometimes. I'd like to get rid of those. Rick helps me with that every day. Thoughts of worthlessness and stupidity aren't good or helpful. They don't help you grow. My wish is that I and everyone else can get rid of those bad feelings and see the beauty and the hope that there is in life. Here are some pictures from the river near our house. Rick and I love this place so much!
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Friday, June 6, 2008
Her topic for today is "Why did you decide to blog about your Second Life?"
I was never much of a computer person. Much less a computer gamer. A friend told me about Second Life which she was obsessed with. I decided to give it a try because I liked what she told me about it. Especially the fact that she didn't describe it as a game so much as a virtual world that you can do with what you want.
I installed it and logged on for the first time. I loved creating my avatar Sorcha. It was amazing to be able to look anyway I wanted to look. And I loved the fantasy of shopping. The clothes! The hair! I wandered around spellbound for the first couple of weeks at all their was to do and see in this magical world.
After a while, I noticed a change in myself. I've always been extremely quiet and shy and always a bit uncomfortable in social situations. I had a fear of being myself with people. Yet the anonymity I found in SL was allowing me to overcome these fears. I was more comfortable talking to people and getting to know others. And this was translating to my RL too! It was these new experiences that made me want to start a blog. I always loved blogs and I'd found some very interesting ones about SL. I found it was good for me to record my new experiences and thoughts and adventures. It helped clarify them for me and also helped to exorcise any sad feelings. The friends I met through my blog were the biggest blessing to me.
I fell in love in SL. I met the love of my life. That certainly gave me a LOT to blog about. It was insane. I thought I was going crazy. How could a love found in a virtual world feel more real than anything I'd ever experienced? There was a lot of fear and doubt and one day in a panic I deleted my whole blog. I miss it but it was all I felt I could do at the time to try and find some peace.
I ended up creating an alt and I got back together with my love as Astrid. I didn't blog though. Now I'm with him in RL and I wanted to blog again. Second Life taught me a lot about myself. And it gave me a lot too. Magic, love, creativity. I'm in my Third Life now but I hope to bring a lot of what was good from my Second Life into it!
Monday, June 2, 2008
1. Do you like blue cheese? Yes. I'm crazy about all types of cheese!
2. Have you ever smoked heroin? No
3. Do you own a gun? No
4. What flavor do you add to your drink at sonic? I went there once and added peach to my iced tea.
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Sometimes. I save my panic for visits to the dentist.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? I don't give them a lot of thought but I do enjoy them. I like them with chili or cheese.
7. Favorite Christmas movie? A Christmas Carol. Oh and Elf with Will Ferrell.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Orange Juice.
9. Can you do pushups? If I must.
10. Age? 28
11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? My Japanese ganji necklace that Rick gave me.
12.Favorite hobby? Nowadays it's making soap!
13. Favorite Actor? Steve Buscemi, Mel Gibson, Woody Harrelson
14. Do you have A.D.D.? I don't think so.
15. What's one trait you hate about yourself? I can be easily frustrated by simple problems.
16. Middle name? Elisabeth
17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? I wish there was some orange juice in the fridge, I need a shower, my nose tickles-I think I need to sneeze.
18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday/today: A congratulations card for my sister who just got engaged, a Subway sandwich and some sculpty prim shoes in SL!
19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Orange juice, water, tea
20. Current worries? I need to see the dentist soon :(
21. Current hate right now? I'm learning to drive and I hate driving in small cramped parking lots.
22. Favorite place to be? With Rick.
23. How did you bring in the New Year? We watched old scary movies, drank too much champagne and fell asleep before midnight. haha
24. Where would you like to go? I'd like to go to Sedona, Arizona. I'd like to visit New Mexico because I've never been there and I'd like to go to Glacier National Park in Montana.
25. Name three people who will complete this ? I don't know.
26. Do you own slippers? No
27. What shirt are you wearing? Shamefully I'm still in my jammies haha
28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? I have never slept on satin sheets. I'll put that on my to-do list!! :)
29. Can you whistle? I'm a good whistler. I whistle a lot without even realizing it.
30. Favorite color? Blues, greens and pinks
31. Would you be a pirate? I'd like to try it out and see what it's like.
32. What songs do you sing in the shower? Whatever song is currently stuck in my head. Yesterday it was Raspberry Beret by Prince.
33. Favorite girl's name? I've always loved the name Scarlett!
34. Favorite boy's name? Rhett!
35. What is in your pocket right now? A cucumber. hehe
36. Last thing that made you laugh? Rick trying to make hummingbird calls.
37. Best bed sheets as a child? My cozy flannelette sheets
38. Worst injury you've ever had? Broken leg from falling down the stairs with my laundry basket.
39. Do you love where you live? I absolutely love it! I moved from Canada to California and I can't believe how beautiful the south west is.
40. How many TVs do you have in your house? Two. But we only use one.
41. Who is your loudest friend? Probably my sister Rachel.
42. How many dogs do you have? None right now. But I have a fire-bellied toad named Mongo, a fish named Topaz, and some hummingbirds.
43. Does someone have a crush on you? I hope Rick still has a crush on me. I hope he's not too put off by the singing in the shower.
44. What is your favorite book(s)? Oh man. This is a hard question. Right now I really like books by Anita Shreve and Fannie Flagg and Tawni O'Dell.
45. Where were you born? Boston, MA
46. What is your favorite candy? Whoppers...and Heath Bars.....and black licorice.
47. Favorite Sports Team? I have to go Canadian here and say the Montreal Canadiens.
48. What song(s) do you want played at your funeral? Blackbird by the Beatles. And Dancing Queen.
49. What were you doing at 12AM? Chattering.
50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? I'm not very good at thinking in the morning. I can't remember any coherent thoughts lol
Copy/paste/and spill it!
Sunday, June 1, 2008
A lot of things happened to me in Second Life. I made really good friends and had adventures and I changed. I became more outgoing and more confident and this carried over into my real (first) life as well.
I also found love. A real, true, amazing love more powerful than I ever thought existed. This was exciting and wonderful but it was also a little terrifying. Because how could a love like that exist when it was born in a game? A virtual world?
But love is a powerful thing. After a lot of turmoil and heartbreak and fear and doubt, we found the courage to live our love outside of the boundaries of our virtual world. And it's been so much more magical then I ever thought it could be.
So this blog is about my third life. And how I'm learning how to bring the magic I found into this life. I hope you enjoy it!
"Sounds of laughter, shades of life are ringing
through my open ears, inciting and inviting me.
Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns
and calls me on and on across the universe"
-"Across the Universe" by the Beatles