Blogging

I was reading Cen's blog today and she was talking about how free you should be to post anything you want on a blog. This is an interesting issue for me because of past experiences. When I first started my SL back in 2006 I started reading personal blogs about SL and I thought I would start one. I love to write and it helps me sort out my thoughts. I wrote about everything that was going on in my SL and about how I was falling in love with Rick. I was completely open about my feelings. I also wrote about the pain of our break-up on that blog and what I was going through.

I never wanted to hurt anyone with my words. It was just a blog about my feelings. It was a place to pour out my heart and get some relief. I couldn't talk about what was going on to anyone in RL because I didn't feel they would understand at all. It was my words and my feelings. I didn't name any names. But my blog was out there in cyberspace for anyone to see. And what I didn't understand is that other people who knew me in SL and knew my blog could take my words and write about them. (Kind of like what I'm doing now because I was inspired by Cen's post!) And this person wasn't as careful as I was not to name names. Out of a misguided sense of loyalty to me they wrote their own viewpoint on things and it was hurtful to others and an invasion of their privacy. I didn't want any part of that and I was so upset that I'd indirectly caused that. I deleted all the posts on my blog because I felt so bad. I didn't know how to delete my whole blog so I just wrote a post saying that I was taking a break from blogging for awhile and left it at that.

I'm blogging again because I love having a place to write and I like the sense of community bloggers have. But I'm also more aware now that I only have control over what I put out there. And I can't necessarily control what happens to my blog after I've posted something. So I'll be careful that it's not something that will cause pain or hard feelings for anyone else. I've learned now that I can always write a post and save it as a draft. That way I can read it again when I'm feeling more objective and decide if it's worth posting. Or I can use the privacy controls. I didn't know any of this when I deleted my blog. I was such a newbie! So I guess my guidelines for blogging involve making sure I don't post anything when I'm overly emotional and making sure I know how to use the blogging controls! I just learned how to insert links into my text so I'm doing a bit better! :)

Hi again!

I've missed my blog! I've been on the go the past few days and haven't been near my computer long enough to post anything. Last weekend, Rick took me to wine country for the weekend and we stayed in a beautiful bed and breakfast and had a great time. It's been really hot here recently so on Tuesday we went to a water park and had so much fun on the water slides and in the lazy river.

My mother had a hysterectomy today. I was so worried about her. Her surgery started at 9AM EST and so at 6 am PST I was up and praying hard for her. I spoke with her tonight and she was so high on morphine that she was slurring her words and sometimes she would just stop talking mid-sentence for about a minute and then wake up again. She seemed very happy though. She raved about the turkey dinner she ate that night and how she was lucky enough to have a private room. Apparently her roommate got really annoyed with her drugged up rambling and asked to be moved! She got a bit weepy at the end of the conversation. She said she was sad to see her uterus go. I told her she should be proud and it served her well. Now she will be free of it and won't have to put up with all the troublesome things it does. That cheered her up some. She even suggested she get it bronzed. Then she started giggling again. I'm sure she won't remember the conversation tomorrow.

Do any of you have guilty pleasures? I've gotten hooked on this show called "The girls next door." It's about Hugh Hefner and his three girlfriends, Holly, Bridget and Kendra. It's been on for awhile but I've never seen it before last week. The three girls are really bubbly and funny and have their own individual personalities. And their lifestyle is so ridiculously over the top it's fun to be a voyeur on that kind of lavish living. And they are all so young! And Hef is in his eighties now! I used to think there was a big age difference between Rick and I but we've got nothing on Hugh and his girlfriends! I asked Rick if he would like three girlfriends and he said that he's more than happy with me. And I have three personalities; Astrid, Sorcha and Aimee. He says that's quite enough for him! hahaha Good answer baby!

And finally, both my little sisters are getting married! My youngest sister just got engaged and they are getting married next year. And my middle sister has been engaged for about five years and finally set a date for September of this year! Which only gives her three months to plan it. I'm a bridesmaid at both so all they talk about when I call them is weddings weddings weddings. It's exhausting. I've never been much of a girl for fantasizing about big weddings. My wedding to Rick in SL was a fantasy and all I had to do was point and click to get a dress and flowers etc. And I didn't have to deal with all the family politics that my sisters are dealing with now. Ex-spouses and estranged relatives and all that stuff. When Rick and I get married, I want it to be small and quiet and we'll say our vows from SL to each other. But I'll try and be a good bridesmaid to my sisters. I've always wanted to be a bridesmaid so it's kind of exciting :)

Sorry about this rambling post!! I've just been writing about what's been on my mind lately. I miss the BBB challenge. Maybe I'll do one for myself and set topics for myself everyday!

Astrid's a Model!!

Tonight I went on SL to buy Astrid some new clothes and hair. I had such a good time! I found a complex of stores called "Adam n' Eve." I love this place. It has shoes and hair and clothes and skins. I bought a beautiful dress there and the cutest shoes I've ever seen. And I got some lovely hair at Tickled Pink. Then I took Astrid on a photo shoot.

I used to LIVE in SL. Because that was where I could be with Rick. But now I'm with him and I can touch him and talk to him whenever I want. But I still love SL and I had the best time with Astrid tonight!

The last day of the Big Bad Blogger Challenge

I'm sorry it's over! I had a great time with it and it really helped me get back into blogging. I loved discovering all these new blogs so thank you Alicia! It was a great idea and I'm so happy I did it! I'm going to try and keep it up every day even when I don't have anything "blog worthy" to talk about. It's a good writing exercise and helps me think through any issues or thoughts I have going around in my head.

Last night I had quite the experience. I was watching a show on ghost-hunting and it was very entertaining. I went on the internet and searched for haunted places in my area. Lo and behold I found something immediately about the bridge over the river Rick and I go to all the time. Apparently it's got quite a spooky past and has had numerous ghost sightings and weird happenings. So I told Rick and he suggested we drive down there at midnight and try and catch a ghost on film. I know this might seem weird but sometimes we get carried away with just being silly. We packed the camera and a rattle to scare away ghosts. We packed a hideously ugly "voodoo doll" we had and a baggie full of crushed garlic just in case there were vampires. We were laughing and just being silly. We even brought the guitar for some strange reason. The car was packed full of junk. We drove down there and spent about 10 minutes trying to take pictures but we couldn't really capture anything because it was so dark. It was very creepy. Almost pitch dark with the mountains looming above us. We heard some very strange, loud, metallic sounds and were starting to let our imagination run away with us. We both headed back towards the car and Rick got really freaked out when he almost tripped over the backpack we had left on the side of the road. He swears it moved.

We hadn't driven a mile when three police cars stopped us. They had police dogs barking their heads off in the back and they all got out and came over to us to question us. I wasn't nervous because I knew we hadn't done anything wrong and we didn't have anything to hide but it was a bit strange and I had this insane urge to start laughing hysterically. Apparently it's a big drug area there at night. People go there to do their nefarious business because it's so dark and isolated. So the police thought we were up to no good. They asked Rick all these questions about who he was and how old and where he worked and if he's ever been arrested. Then they asked me the same questions. They even made Rick sit on the ground while they questioned him. I got to stay in the car. They were VERY suspicious and weren't buying the explanation that we had gone out there to try and catch a ghost on film. Rick said they could take a look at the car if they wanted. This was when the fun began.

The police searched very thoroughly. Out came the guitar and the voodoo doll and the rattle. One cop pounced gleefully on the bag of garlic and then looked very disgusted when he smelled it. One cop scrolled through all the pictures on the camera. Mostly of darkness, a few of some random trees and some graffiti on the bridge. A few of Rick holding a flashlight up to his face and looking spooky. I was almost hysterical with laughter at this point because it was just so hilarious watching the cops go through all our strange, random props. The car needs to be cleaned. It's very cluttered. I felt kind of bad for the police having to sift through all our stuff. Sleeping bags from a camping trip, a bag of toothpicks, so many CD's and tapes and candy wrappers and a broken dashboard hula monkey.

Eventually, the cops had to admit that they hadn't found anything incriminating even though we were obviously some of the most eccentric people they had ever questioned. They just couldn't fathom why anyone would want to go ghost-hunting at midnight. They were quite nice and polite after they realized we weren't doing anything wrong. They apologized for the inconvenience and just warned us that it might not be a good idea to wander around out there at night. Rick and I drove home laughing our heads off and I've been laughing all day about the incident. I loved seeing how strange we are through other people's eyes. I'll never forget the sight of that poor police officer with a voodoo doll in one hand and a bag of garlic in the other!!

My Dad

The BBBC topic for today is to write about something that is important to us. I'm going to write about my father because father's day is coming up soon.

I've always been a "daddy's girl." When I was a little girl, I thought my father was the be all and end all of the universe. He knew everything there was to know about any subject. And even when he didn't know the answer to one of my questions he would make something up that I believed without question. Once we were driving past a hayfield and the hay stacks were covered in white plastic to protect them from rain. I asked my father what the big white blobs were and he told me in all seriousness that it was a marshmallow farm. I believed it. And it wasn't until I was about 13 years old that I found out the truth about the "marshmallows." But that's what my father is like. He has a great imagination and if something can be improved with a little magic or silliness he'll do it. He's great at telling stories and reading aloud. He read me stories every night. When he was out for the night my grandma or babysitter would offer to read to me but I'd always refuse because they weren't nearly as good at telling the story as my dad was. He's a teacher now and I've seen him read to his students. They hang on his every word just as I used to.

When I was about 14, my parents split up. It was a messy divorce with lots of bitterness and it was hard to see my mother so broken up about it. I became her best friend and confidant at an age when I shouldn't really have to hear about grown-up problems and the intimate details of my parent's relationship. I love my mother and I understand what she was going through and how she needed to talk to me but it was still difficult and it led to a lot of anger and bitterness towards my dad. I couldn't believe he had left ME. Everything is about yourself when you are a child or a teenager. I couldn't comprehend the fact that my parents were individuals with their own feelings and struggles. They were supposed to be perfect and they were supposed to cater to all my needs and never have any problems of their own.

There were years of estrangement from my father. I refused to go see him or talk to him. I cut him out of my life. Sometimes, I'd be filled with so much anger and hurt that I would write him long, hateful letters and send them to him. I'd blame him for everything that went wrong in my life. "If dad hadn't left, this wouldn't be happening..." etc.

But my dad has always been a hero. From the time I was a baby he was always there for me when I needed him. When I was five, I lost my Snoopy in a shopping mall. I have had Snoopy since I was a couple of days old and I still have him. He's a bit ragged now but I slept with him every night and took him everywhere so he's been through a lot. That night, I was being tucked into bed when I realized Snoopy was gone. I was frantic. I could not be consoled. My dad drove back to the mall in the dark of night and spent two hours searching through the snow and the slush on the off-chance that I'd dropped Snoopy in the parking lot. And he found him!!!

He's always been my rock. Whenever something awful happened he was there. Fights with best friends, humiliations, the pain of having a crush on a boy that didn't know I existed. When I broke my leg he was with me every day in the hospital and helped me recuperate when I got out of the hospital.

And last year when my ex beat me up after I broke up with him I called my father and he drove eight hours to come and get me and bring me back to his house. I had no money and no home and I was broken and scared out of my wits. But my father took me in and helped me get well and made me feel safe again. I stayed with him for six months and I'm so glad we spent that time together because I reconnected with him and I know now that no matter what happens in my life my dad will always be there for me. I'm so grateful to have a dad like him and I hope I can be a good daughter to him.

"Sail on silvergirl, sail on by

Your time has come to shine

All your dreams are on their way

See how they shine?

If you need a friend, I'm sailing right behind

Like a bridge over troubled water, I will ease your mind..."

-"Bridge over troubled water" Simon and Garfunkel

My self-esteem has taken a beating!

Well.....I flunked my driving test. It was horrible. I was so nervous this morning I thought I would throw up. I managed to keep it together and started the test. Everything was going well. I was signaling, checking my mirrors. My lane changes were perfect. I was just starting to calm down and relax when the driving instructor asked me to pull onto a deserted side street. I did so and she asked me park on the side of the road. Which I did with no problems. But then she asked me to back up the car straight along side the curb about three car lengths. I tried and my back wheel went up on the curb. That's an automatic fail. If I strike any object, even a curb that's it. I FAIL. It was terrible. I thought I would cry but I managed to keep it together. Rick took me out for breakfast and even managed to make me laugh a little bit. And I guess next time I take the test I won't be as nervous because I'll know what to expect. But I wish I had passed. Now I have to make another appointment and it could take forever! My mom sent me a nice email telling me she is proud of me anyway and not to give up. Then she said she always goes up on the curb which made me laugh but it also made me wonder how she ever got her license because she is the worst driver I've ever seen. haha

Onto better things... the BBBC question of the day is about SL weather and RL extreme weather experiences. I think I'll talk about my RL adventure with weather because it's more interesting for me.

In 1998, Quebec and Ontario experienced the Ice Storm. It was a freak storm that brought over 80 hours of steady freezing rain to these areas. I was in Montreal at the time. It started off like a normal winter storm. Nobody thought anything of it until the freak storm system collided with the small storm front. It was just insane. The power went out region after region. The ice was so thick it was destroying all the power lines. Some people had generators but most people had to go to emergency shelters. Some people died because they either froze to death in their houses or they died of carbon monxide inhalation from poorly ventilated fireplaces. The city was declared a state of emergency and the military came in to evacuate neighborhoods and make sure nobody was looting or staying in their houses without power. I was working at a bar and going to school at the time. My school was closed and I just lived at the bar. They had a generator and we just became a shelter. The cook made lots of soup and sandwiches and we had sleeping bags everywhere and it was actually quite fun. It wasn't fun for everyone though. The entire power grid had to be rebuilt and there were some places in the rural areas that didn't regain power for two or three months. The main city was up again in a few days but my apartment didn't have power for two weeks. It was crazy. But really beautiful too. The ice was everywhere. It destroyed a lot of trees but they still looked amazing all outlined with ice. I've never seen anything like it. I probably won't be seeing much ice now that I live in Southern California but I've already seen the wildfires here which were very exciting but scary too. I'm glad I don't have to drive in the snow or ice. Not that I have my driver's license yet. Oh nuts. Now I'm all depressed again. I'm going to go pout for a little while.

BBB Topics for Monday and Tuesday

Yesterday I woke up with a very sore and irritated ear :( It's bothered me all day. I'm not sure what is wrong with me because I don't feel sick. My ear just really hurts. I think it may be a bug bite or something right inside the ear canal. I also spent almost all day in the car yesterday practicing for my driver's test which is tomorrow!! Rick and I drove to the DMV and spied on people doing their tests. We wore dark glasses and hats and followed them so I'm pretty comfortable with the route now and know what to expect tomorrow. I was pretty wiped out after we got home and my ear was hurting so I didn't get online to blog. I'm going to stay on top of it from now on though so I hope I'm not completely out of the game!

Monday's topic had to do with luxury and shopping in SL I love the shopping in SL. In my RL I don't really like shopping. It makes me nervous and I start to sweat. I usually like to go with someone who is fashion savvy and will just pick things out for me. My sisters are good for this. And Rick is good at it too. I just stay in the changeroom and try on the things they bring me.

But in SL it's so different. I can find anything I want. Totally extravagant ballgowns and bikinis I would never wear in RL. I can change my hairstyle with the touch of a button. Hair color too! It's heaven. My favorite experiences shopping were when Rick and I set up our home in SL. I loved shopping for furniture and plants and trees. I have so much stuff and I rotate it according to mood and season. I also liked shopping for my wedding dress in SL. Wedding dresses in general are so princess-like and magical. My favorite shops for clothes in SL are Nyte n' Day. I can always find something I like in there. I also like Casa del Shai. She designs really beautiful and unique items. For hair I like ETD and Sirena hair and fashion. I like being a blonde and a redhead. Sorcha was a blonde. Astrid was a redhead. Now I just go with whatever I feel like being that particular day.

As I said before, I'm not that into shopping in RL. However, I do love buying toiletries. I love nice lotions and bath products and shampoos. And makeup is always fun. I also like going to the used book store that sells books for 1 or 2 dollars. I can go with ten or twenty and come out with an armload of books to read. Those are my weaknesses. Books and beauty products. :)

The BBB question for today is about relationships. Within SL and online relationships in RL.

Rick and I met in SL when his avatar was a month old and mine was two weeks into it. I was still very noob. I even remember what we were wearing. Sorcha had a particular horrendous hairstyle from Lashed. And she was wearing black capri pants and a pink and white wrap top. And huge platform heels with lots of bling. It wasn't pretty! But I was quite proud of it. And I still like the pants and shirt. I did a search for "irish pubs" and found one called The Blarney Stone. It's quite an established place in SL. It's been around for awhile. I tp'd over there and started dancing. I was chatting to several people when I saw this guy sitting at the bar. He was wearing board shorts and sandals and had messy surfer style hair. He was also smoking a pipe in the shape of a little fox and it gave off colorful puffs of smoke. I liked that pipe a lot. It was the first time I'd seen anything like that. He sent me an IM that said I was very pretty. I said I loved his pipe. He gave me the landmark for the shop where he'd bought it. I went shopping! lol. When I got back to the bar I sat beside him at the bar but I couldn't stop dancing. I still wasn't very good with dance balls. It usually took me about half and hour to figure out how to work them. He helped me figure it out and we started talking. I'd talked to a few guys in SL. I had some male friends but I always thought the guys who threw out pick-up lines were dumb. I thought the whole concept of having a boyfriend in SL was dumb. But I didn't think I'd meet someone who I clicked with right away. I had no shyness because he weren't face to face. So I was my truest self with him right from the beginning. And it was so easy. And so much fun. We were inseparable after that. We'd go exploring, we'd go on silly adventures, we'd go dancing or we would just sit on the bottom of his fishpond and talk for hours.

The thing is, it started to feel so real. It WAS real. We were both being ourselves and loving each other and it felt more real than anything else ever had. Which was a bit scary because SL is a virtual world. But gradually, we'd brought it out of SL. I knew who he was, where he lived, I'd seen pictures of him. I'd talked with him on the phone. And he knew me. And we both wanted more. I wanted to touch him for real and be with him for real and he wanted the same. But this was scary to us too. We broke it off because it got too intense. That time apart was awful. I couldn't talk to anyone about it because they wouldn't understand. They would think I was crazy. So I poured it all out in my old blog. And I eventually deleted that. In the hopes that it would all go away and I could forget. But I couldn't. And life just seemed so empty. I knew what love was like and now it was gone.

We ended up getting back together . Both of us had our own issues to work through and we did. We decided to meet. I was so excited. I had one moment on the plane where I thought to myself "WHAT AM I DOING??" But then we landed and I saw him there and I ran to him and kissed him and that was it. It felt completely natural and wonderful and it felt like home. We had an amazing ten days together and not one moment was awkward or uncomfortable. Except for the countdown of days until I'd need to fly back again away from him. That was always hanging in the background.

There were obstacles. Life circumstances, distance, there is quite an age difference. My parents thought I'd gone crazy. My friends didn't understand. But I had to be with him. None of that mattered to me. He was just my soulmate and I knew it from the beginning. Everything worked itself out because we wanted it to. And we're together now and I don't regret a moment of it. People have said that it's impossible to find love in a virtual world, it's just a game, it's not real. But it can be. For me and Rick, the medium through which we met enabled us to be ourselves and see the other person clearly. I could see his soul and he could see mine. Without SL, we probably never would have met because of geography. Even if we had met we probably never would have talked because of barriers that we put up and preconceptions people have about people and age. I'm eternally grateful to SL for teaching me how to open myself up to love and to be able to look at people and see who they are inside. I realize not everyone is themselves on SL but I think it's wonderful when you connect with people on that level and you always feel it when it happens too. It's a great thing.

Here are some pictures of me and Rick. We're working on putting pictures of us in SL with photoshop. I think that would be fun!